Behind that smile
by Hiiragisawa
Summary: Behind that smile, what kind of person is Kise? Who really is he? Behind that personality? Rated T to be safe Sequel now up :)
1. Chapter 1

**Beta ed by: Hollowstars99 but I messed it up so any grammatical errors are all of my fault.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke**

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Kise Ryouta was heading home after a hectic schedule. Being a student plus a teen model isn't that easy. It was _Hell _for him. He has to manage and utilize his time well and it's you're racing against time, every single day. To add salt to the wound, he also experiences hellish basketball training. Thus, the blonde model is very exhausted. As he headed home, however, he caught a sight of a light blue colored hair. Kise's face lit up in happiness as he rushed towards and hug the person owning it.

"Kurokocchi!" Kise exclaimed as he glomp the light haired teen. The smaller guy showed signs of indifference, but if you look more closely, you'll probably see a faint startled expression in his eyes.

"Get off me, Kise-kun," Kuroko simply said. "You're heavy."

"Uwaahhh! Kurokocchi's so mean!" Kise whined but he didn't let go. "Don't wanna," He childishly said as he hugged him tight.

"Get off or I'll slam this book I'm reading on to your face." Kuroko threatened, face unchanged.

Kise pouted childishly before letting the smaller teen go. "So mean, Kurokocchi! So mean!"

"Stop being a kid, Kise-kun…"

Kise hmmped and pouted once more before changing the subject.

"Where are you going, Kurokocchi?" He asks.

"Home." Kuroko immediately replied.

"Me too! Can I come with you? Please?" Kise pleaded, adding a kicked puppy expression for additional impact.

"… No…"

"Aw, come on, please?"

"…"

"Please?"

"…Fine…"

"Yay! Thank you Kurokocchi!" Kise cheered as he hugged Kuroko again. Then he let go of him and stood beside him, grinning happily.

As they were walking together, Kuroko realized that for once, Kise was quiet. He felt like something's off about him. Usually, he would chatter non-stop about anything and everything. Now, Kise looks like he's in deep thought. His face was darkened, and he held a very serious expression. Like he's brooding or thinking about a serious matter. They're walking together in silence, it's not that he minded that much but it made him feel a bit uncomfortable and uneasy.

"Kise-kun, are you alright?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Hm? Ah, yeah, I am, why did you ask, Kurokocchi?" Kise asked, curious.

"Nothing…It's nothing…"

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As they bid their farewells and part ways, Kise walked to his home alone, still deep in thought. Few minutes later, he arrived at his house, being greeted by his mother before going upstairs to his room. He entered his room, locked it and left his bag on his table. He flopped down the bed, sighing.

"…I think I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to live my life as me…." He mumbled.

Every day, Kise would always question why he's born like this. Why wasn't he granted a normal, peaceful life like most people do? Why does he have to be like this? Every day, a lot of people would try to get close to him, giving him lies and fake smiles because underneath that mask, they would try to use Kise to get their selfish desires. Every day, a lot of girls would ask him out and confess to him about their feelings of love that contain nothing but lust, deception and desire to make themselves popular, like his former girlfriend. He's relieved that Haizaki decided to take her away, sparing him from ever breaking her heart, even if she totally deserves it. Every single day, he has to face them with nothing but a fake personality, a façade, to keep himself from getting hurt. Everything around him is almost fake that he feels like puking because of this. Why does he have to put an act just to please other people? Why? Why couldn't he be Kuroko, always straight forward and simple? Or like Aomine, who could do whatever he wants without worrying and giving a shit about the outcome? Why couldn't he be himself? Why couldn't he be just a normal living person? Why does he have to pretend? Of all people, why him?

Sighing deeply, he got up and changed his clothes. Then he opened his cellphone and looked through his mail. There were tons of them, mostly from his fangirls trying to flirt with him and ask him out. He closed his phone and tossed it on the bed, not checking them. He's tried about it and seriously thinking about changing his cellphone number.

"Ryouta! It's time for dinner!" His mom called out.

"Coming!" Kise replied, going out of his room and head downstairs.

As they ate dinner, his parents asked him couple of questions. 'How's school?' , 'How's your basketball career?' , 'How's your grade?' or 'Are you alright with your studies?' simple things like that. Even with his parents, he had to lie; he has to pretend everything is fine. He felt guilty after doing so, but he didn't show it. After dinner, he head upstairs to take a bath. After taking a bath, he rummage through his almost full closet and took out night time clothes. He was midway through changing when his phone rang. He paid no mind, probably those crazy fangirls again. However, it rang continuously that it began to irritate him. Whoever is calling him is so damn persistent. He lost his cool and just answered the phone.

"Hello?" His voice was wavering; he barely kept his voice calm.

"Kise-kun?"

"Kurokocchi?"

Kise didn't expect this. Usually, he's the one who calls and bugs Kuroko. It's a rare sight for him to see Kuroko calling him. It brings him an unspeakable joy and happiness every time. He wouldn't admit this to anyone but he took a liking on the boy. His gestures and affections are not that subtle, even Momoi somewhat suspected and asked him for it, but he just lied that he's just fond of Kuroko because he's his former mentor. Kuroko doesn't often talk whenever he calls him, just answering him if asked. He just listens to Kise's voice. He found it somewhat embarrassing; being the only one who's talkative and gives him the vibes that Kuroko's doesn't really pay much attention to him, he's just bothering him but he doesn't say it. He comments at times, but not that much.

"Are you unwell? Or are you doing something? I've been trying to call you a lot of times but you won't respond. I texted you a lot of times as well, but you never replied," Kuroko said. "Did I bother you? Or is something's wrong?"

Oh. That. Kise felt guilty. He might have ignored Kuroko's texts and calls because he thought that some random fangirls were trying to reach him. He laughed nervously.

"Sorry Kurokocchi, I was in the shower so I didn't hear your call and I haven't read your messages yet.I'm sorry Kurokocchi." He apologized. "So, what's up?"

"It's fine Kise-kun, no need to apologize; I'm the one at fault here, sorry for suddenly calling you." Kuroko apologized as well. Kise brushed it off, saying it's fine and he didn't disturb anything important, he's just in the middle of wearing his lower clothes. Kuroko became silent for a moment and he thought that he hanged up on him.

"Sorry for disturbing while you're changing of clothes Kise-kun, I'll just call later." He replied as he was about to hang up when Kise stopped him.

"It's fine! I could put in on while talking with you." He reassured him.

Kuroko seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking again. "There are a lot people asking us, the generation of miracles, about you, Kise-kun. They say that they want you to do something for them. About your modeling I guess." He said.

"Ah, I see, thanks for informing me Kurokocchi," His voice suddenly became tired. "I'll get in touch with them; see you next time, Kurokocchi." Then he hanged up and turned his phone off.

He sits on his bed, feeling guilty. He never felt guiltier than before. He told the manager and his staff not to let him work with them. Now, they're bugging his friends for that. They also might be stalking them. And they're making them feel uncomfortable. All because of him, who's a burden to them. Even to his parents, he overhears them sometimes, about people asking them a lot of questions regarding about him. Crazy fangirls asking for his schedule, presumably to stalk him. Sometimes they call and his sisters get irritated and annoyed because of it. He's being a burden to the people he loves and trusts.

'_Just please, tell me please, what do they need from me? What can I do to take back all of these? What can I do? I don't want fame, I want to be normal! I don't want fake smiles and lies, I want truth. Why is this happening? Should I just give up and give in? This is driving me crazy, I don't know what to do anymore….. I may be a fool to do this but I can't…. Think coherently. Everyone… I'm sorry.'_

He reaches out from his drawer beside his bed and pulled out a sharp cutter. He stared at the object, with a cold and clouded eyes. He put the tip of the cutter on his wrist and let out a shaky sigh. What should he do next, he wonders. Should he or should he not? Pessimism won over him, suppressing his optimistic side, who's telling him everything is alright.

_'Nothing will be alright….I just cause burden to them. I'm useless…'_

Sinking the blade deeper, he slid the cutter across his wrist in a swift motion, unhesitating.

With that, blood broke free from his wound and freely flowed. Tears mixed with his blood, making it more painful, as he continues, doing it to his other wrist. It truly hurts, but it gave him a sense of satisfaction. He's sorry for what he's doing. He can't take it anymore. If he'll be saved, he wouldn't know the reason why. He's sorry for hurting others, being a burden to them. He's sorry for being gullible and naïve, he's sorry for being weak, he's sorry for being a coward. He's sorry for being secretive. But most of all,

He's sorry for not showing who he really is, behind that smile. The smile that deceived and fooled everybody, telling them all is alright. And it's too late to change it now.

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**I'm sorry for the crappy fic, this just popped in my mind. There's a sequel to this, but I'm not sure if anyone would like it. Please tell me what you think.**

**Reviews?**


	2. Sequel

**Since you guys asked for it, here's the sequel! Thanks so much for reviewing! I do hope that you'll like this one as well! **

**Beta-ed by yours truly, Hollowstars99 (She's awesome, I swear, go check her poems!)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but this Fanfic. All charas goes to Fujimaki-sensei.**

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_He was at the beautiful meadow, peaceful and calm. He wandered around, admiring the scenery. Then he noticed that there are people dressed in black, faces solemn. Is someone being buried? He wondered as he walked towards them, slowly. He's curious on who's getting buried. He could see people crying but there aren't any sounds, like it's on mute or something. As he walked towards them, he felt dread crept up inside him, like there's something he shouldn't know. He approached the coffin, that's being lowered into the ground, slowly. People around it were throwing white roses as it slowly descends. The minute he saw the person inside, his face went pale._

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_ The person lying there was him, they're burying him. And he's covered with blood. All of a sudden, he was pushed from behind, and he's falling into the pit, along with his other self-that's covered with blood. He tried to scream but there's no sounds coming out. Helplessly, he tried to stop his fall by stretching out his arms side wards and flatten them. It was no use. _

_Then the world became black_

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He opened his eyes immediately, horrified by that event. He sat up, panting. Looking around, he breathed a sigh of relief as he learned that he wasn't dead… At least, not yet. It was only a bad dream. A nightmare. He assured himself that what he dreamt of is merely a nightmare. He looked down at his hands, his wrist covered with bandages neatly and there are tubes sticking out at the back of his hands. He's also wearing a long white robe and a machine that's beeping continuously. He realized then that he was in the hospital. He wondered on how he got there. The last thing he knew before passing out was his blood was overflowed from both of his wrists. And how it stained his bedroom floor. He also felt a bit light headed that time. He propped himself into a half sitting and lying position. He stared at the ceiling, doing nothing in particular.

_ 'I…I'm still alive. Breathing and safe. I wonder who saw me in that state. My manager would be so furious about this. That I did a foolish thing such as trying to kill myself.'_

Chuckling bitterly, he stared at his hands before sitting up again. He wondered who saved him in the first place. Few minutes later, after thinking about it, the door creaked open, slightly. Revealing a lithe figure holding up a tray of food. It was his friend, Kuroko. Kise turned around to look at him, not saying anything. Kuroko let himself in and put the food tray on the bedside table. Then he sat on the chair beside the bed. Both of them said nothing and it's getting awkward. Kise was fiddling with the hem of his clothes unconsciously, biting his lower lip slowly. Getting fed up with this unnerving silence, he decided to break it.

"Thank you for visiting me here, Kurokocchi." He said, trying to smile cheerfully. He could always do it but now, he can't. He could only give him a half smile, losing all its radiance and happiness in it.

Kuroko nodded silently, avoiding his gaze. In a very quiet and hushed manner, Kuroko asked. "Why did you do it?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you do it?" He asked again, this time, louder.

"I-I…I can't take it. "Kise replied, chuckling bitterly. "I'm tired of being a burden to other people, I hate seeing them getting troubled because of me. I thought that, if I'm gone, may be that burden would fade away and they could live their lives without worrying about me. That if I'm gone, may be they be happier…."

"…"

Kise smiled at him bitterly. "Did you know that every day, I feel like puking? I hate my life, I'll always do, it's because I can't be who am I. I have to hide, to bury them and wear different masks just to please other people. You might think that my reasons are shallow but honestly, I don't care. I just hate the fact that I'm not who am I and how I have to hide them from people's eyes." By this time, tears were freely flowing from his amber-colored eyes.

"You're not a burden Kise-kun," Kuroko said firmly. He looked at Kise, straight in his eyes. "You'll never will be. You might seem to think that because of the guilt you're feeling. Because you're a pessimist. You can't see on how you make people smile every day. They would cheer up and have a great day because seeing you happy makes them happy. " He wiped away Kise's tears. "You also make me happy, Kise-kun, so don't think like that. If you're having troubles, you could always count on us, on me, and tell it. I promise to help you if you need one. " Kuroko smiled at him softly. "So stop thinking about you being a burden 'cause you're not."

"Kurokocchi!" Kise exclaimed, throwing himself at him and hugging him tightly. He cried louder, as Kuroko comforts him. He cried and cried, until he's pretty sure that he can't cry any more. After bawling his eyes out, he wiped his own tears and smiled at Kuroko brightly.

"Thank you Kurokocchi! I feel better!" He exclaimed happily. Kuroko slightly blushed, looking away because he's too damn cute.

"….ove you…" Kuroko mumbled.

"Eh? What is it Kurokocchi?"

"Nothing Kise-kun, nothing. Go eat your meal."

"B-But… K-Kurokocchi! I heard you say something!"

"Go eat."

"Aw, meanie."

Nonetheless, he followed Kuroko's order and ate his meal happily.

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The next day he was discharged from the hospital, his parents were really worried about it as well as her sister. He told them that he's fine and he apologized for the trouble he made. Everything was back to normal again, but this time, Kise's isn't pretending anymore. Because behind that smile, he is who he really is.

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**I tried! I'm sorry if it's like, fast paced and too much OOC, I can't help myself. Sorry...**

**Still, can I have reviews? I'll give you a cookie if you do! Cx**


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